In-Camp
Abstained from showers
Becoming one with nature
Yeah, smells like success
Trompin' down board walks
Searching for the missing link
Oh look there's Taylor
Six rounds of cocoa
Loads of Apples to Apples
S'what camp's about man
Relaxed and easy
Hanging out with my good buds
Meaning where I am
Paddlin', swimming, good.
No place I'd rather be at
When we going back?
Home
Stepping off the pontoon to the boathouse dock
Time ends
You can see it in our eyes
We sit patiently in the city waiting until we can breathe again
Until we can live again
The daze that once surrounded us gone
No longer do we wander about aimlessly
Life is back
Hours of dishes and wood hauling await
And we couldn’t be happier
Because this is where we love to be
This is where we were meant to be
This is where I want to be
Sitting front row of closing camp fire
Leaning in on one and other
Knowing that it's the last for now but not for ever
Our smiles extend over the endless horizon
And life is infinite
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2 comments:
In-Camp
1)I really like that I can picture you in this poem zoe, I can picture myself in this poem. And I enjoy the pattern of the haiku's.
2)I LOVE the line, "meaning where I am", that's deep chic.
3)I think the line, "s'whats camp's about man" is difficult to read, I think you could make it stronger, I believe in you zoe!
Home
1)This poem is really strong, I can feel your emotion in it as I read.
2)I really like the line,
"This is where we were meant to be,
This is where I want to be"
I think it really illustrates your message, and the hard-core desire you feel, not only that, but that it's almost as if God meant for you to be there.
3)the line, "The daze is over" is a little bit un-neccassary, but overall I think you should develop a pattern to the poem with the lines, but that's just me!
4)I really like Home, I can relate man! And I can feel your words! haha, it's a good one Zoe.
I LOVE this piece (Home)!I think that it is solid,and I 'd like you to submit it.I think you need to add more concrete imagery. What time of day is it when you walk of the pontoon? What does it smell like? What does the air feel like?
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